I open my eyes,
They focus on her,
She snores,
She has her hair tied,
She has drooled on my pillow,
She is flawed
She is far from perfect,
She is not beautiful,
She is so much more,
She is beauty itself.

I have called her so many things,
Beautiful,
My queen,
Bitch,
Whore,
My everything,
My angel,
Slutbag,
Ugly,
Now I just call her gone,

Forever

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Damn

My biggest regret is that my grandfather and my nana never got to see my do anything great before they passed. I really cant fight the feeling that I havent  done enough, even until this day, for them to be proud of me. I know they loved me and if you were able to ask them I’m sure they would tell you that they were proud, but with all of the potential I had, I know they expected more of me.

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There is so much shit running through my head right now. I’m wondering how someone that I swore that I would die with 50 years down the line, could turn into someone that barely talks to me. I’m wondering if there is anyway for me to make it up to the lovely girl that called me and told me that she came across a birthday card that she bought for me three years ago. A card that I never received because she invited me to her place for a surprise birthday party that I never showed up for. I’m wondering how the girl that asked me for help out of a rough situation feels, seeing as though I never came through, and we have not talked since the end of last year. I wonder if her situation was ever resolved or if she is in worse trouble now. I hope that I figure this shit out before it is too late.